This article is very different from the one I thought I was
going to write. When first asked to
contribute to the Blackbird journal, it was going to be all ‘ ‘hey, there’s a connection
between humour and well-being’ and ‘did you know that the body has a positive physiological
response to laughter? and I don’t want to do a ScoMo here but HOW GOOD IS
HUMOUR?!!’ Because here I was thinking that
wellness was important but kind of an abstract concept and that I clearly had it
all sorted out. Absolutely sorted. Yes. Sure, Jan.
And then I had The MeltdownTM. (It was so epic that I was legally required to
trademark it.) A head in hands, tears dripping on the desk, a river of (rookie
mistake) non-waterproof mascara streaming down my face. Sounds effects. The
whole bit. Not unlike this lady here:
It’s been ages since I’d lost it like that and there are
probably many reasons it all got too much but basically, I think I a) had taken
on WAAAAY too much (a lesson I am sadly still learning in my 50s), b) was getting
increasingly tired and overwrought about it all and c) was expecting myself to
do things perfectly and was getting frustrated when that wasn’t happening. (Does
ANY of this sound familiar to you, Law Students?) And then something really
minor happened. I overreacted then I felt TERRIBLE. Cue ugly sobbing, as the
dam that had held for a few weeks well and truly burst.
Frankly, a good cry did me the world of good and I wish I’d
had one earlier. It was completely therapeutic. And, speaking of therapeutic, once
I got home, so was one of those Korean sheet masks, my PJs and a Tofu Pad Thai.
No explanation needed. (Or maybe there is. In my experience, tofu can be
divisive.) And my ridiculously embarrassing Spotify ‘Shameful Favourites’
playlist also got a bit of a workout for the next few days. (Extensive side
note: This playlist is not called Shameful Favourites for nothing. Obviously I
am not at liberty to divulge the song titles of the indulgently horrendous music
contained therein but let me just say it works magic on a bad mood. An upside
to this is that the algorithms just can’t work out which demographic I belong
to. They have variously suggested ‘Pride Dance Party 2000’, ‘Finnish Death
Metal’ and ‘Apres Ski Classics’ as playlists I might like. Kate – 1, AI - nil.)
The other thing that helped was talking about it. This was a
lunchtime meltdown and before I could head home, I had a class to teach. As I
was talking to a group of students, I had the sudden realisation that mascara could
well be spread not only around my puffy eyes but streaked, zebra-like, across
the breadth of my face. Since there was no opportunity to check whether I
looked like I had just come off army reserve training, I thought I should
probably explain why I might look like I had. And that group were SO NICE and
SO UNDERSTANDING and SO KIND that I shared it with every other student group in
the class. I was struck by our shared sense of relief at being honest about how
hard things can be sometimes. Everyone got it because everyone’s been there. I’m
so glad that my embarrassment over having had a meltdown was outweighed by fear
of looking like a panda because otherwise I never would have experienced the
kindness I did.
Meltdowns happen to us all, especially when you’ve I an
intense environment like Law. And so I would add: in addition to post-MeltdownTM,
pyjama-wearing, Pad-Thai-eating, daggy-music-listening, Korean-sheet-mask
frenzies, find a nice person or two (or thirty. Thank you, Legal APPtitude) to
talk to. As the geniuses from High School Musical sang, ‘We’re all in this
together’ and we can be each other’s greatest support when things get
overwhelming.
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